She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
