I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
