I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
