I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
