How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
