Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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