From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
