38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
