I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
