She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
