why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
