I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
