Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i out mim tonsoeep
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