good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
