An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
