So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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