I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
