I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
