so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
