My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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