Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
