Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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