Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
