Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
People in love make me want to vomit
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
