I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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