Porn is love you can see.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
