I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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