Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
