i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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