you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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