I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize