I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
