she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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