Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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