I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
