summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize