Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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