stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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