hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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