They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just google imaged poop.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Two words: blizzard sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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