Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
