Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
