coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
