How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
