Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
