Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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