she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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