I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
