When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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