Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
