I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
