You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
