You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
