a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
