And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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