know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
