i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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