one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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