If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
