Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
