do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone came in the potted fern
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
