i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
