I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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