That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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