i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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