Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
