6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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