the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
