so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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