meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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